My Grass Isn't Greener - And That's Okay!

There are times I see the pristine, park-like, perfectly manicured lawns of other people and think, "Maybe it would be nice to have a lawn like that."

And then I look out my kitchen window......

Depending on the season, and especially in spring, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have wildflowers spontaneously springing up throughout my backyard.  Nobody planted them.  They just ended up there through the methods of Mother Nature.  I don't have to water them.  I don't have to weed them.  I don't have to maintain them.  All I have to do is simply ... look out my window and enjoy. 

 

For the past two weeks, these paper-thin, pale yellow flowers have been blooming in my back yard.  They only begin to bloom as the sun is setting, and they don't fully open until it is almost completely dark. 

 

 

This evening, there were a lot of moths flitting from flower to flower.  Insects (except lady-bugs and butterflies) normally freak me out.  Somehow, though, these somewhat creepy looking moths didn't bother me.  It was lovely to watch their graceful, yet erratic, nighttime dance.  I found myself hoping that their efforts would result in even more yellow flowers when next spring arrives.    

 There are now a few of these beautiful pink flowers beginning to make their appearance alongside the yellow flowers in their nighttime blossoming.  I love how delicate they are.  I love the shading from white to pink, and the details of the darker pink lines, dressing up the rest of the flower like fine embroidery on a ball gown..

As I enjoyed my night-blooming flowers this evening, I was reminded of two things.

1.  The grass may be greener on the other side - but it also requires a lot more maintenance.  I know my strengths.  They do not include gardening, weed-pulling, lawn-maintaining.  I'm an avid enjoyer of nature, not an avid grower of it.

2.  Sometimes we miss the beauty of something life is trying to show us simply because we are unwilling to step out in to the darkness to see what has blossomed there.  If we open our eyes and look out in to the darkness, we might find that life has a beautiful lesson waiting for us. 

The Lesson of the Weed-Sunflowers (part 2)

If you read my first post, you'll remember this:  I hated, despised, loathed these weeds!  Yet there I stood this particular morning, observing my weed, thinking about what shade of yellow I want to paint my walls, when I spotted a flash of yellow.  I squinted my eyes, not really believing what I was seeing. Meanwhile, this little voice in the back of my head says, "You have wild sunflowers!"

 

Curious, I headed outside for a closer look and sure enough, I came face to face with a sunflower! It was just tiny flashes of yellow, just barely peeking out of  a cocoon of green, and it was facing west.  Suddenly, my disgust for these monstrous weeds turned to excitement because in my ugly, unkempt backyard, I had sunflowers!   

The next morning I eagerly went to the kitchen window and looked out to see MY sunflower, now almost completely open and facing east.  That night when I returned from work the sunflower had fully bloomed and was again facing west.   

The next morning, I had two sunflowers; then three; then five; then nine; and eventually a whole backyard full!

  As I observed all of this, several thoughts came to my mind.  

Sunflowers, I've decided, are quite appropriately named - not just because they look like a cheerful sun with petals, but also because they follow the sun.  Interestingly, it isn't just the flowers that tend to follow the sun. The leaves also lean toward the sun in the morning. By afternoon, they have relaxed and look wilted in the heat of the day, but when they follow the sun, they appear vibrant and full of life.  If you are religious, the analogy is probably obvious: follow the sun/follow the Son.  If you aren't religious, there is still something (or someone) that inspires you and makes you want to be a better person.  So before you go all anti-religion on my analogy, make it work for you.  :)    

(Side note:  I discovered that it wasn't just my imagination.  They really were following the sun, and this behavior actually has a scientific name:  heliotropism.  And the scientific name for the sunflower: Helianthus - Helia for sun, and Anthus for flower.  So the big, ugly weeds-turned-sunflowers have also expanded my knowledge base!)

 

Another thing I've come to love about these sunflowers is the lesson they've taught me about judging based on appearance. They start out SO ugly (at least, I think they are ugly), the monster of all weeds.  They really are hideous in my eyes. Leave them alone for a while, though, and they become a thing of beauty.   

Remember, though:  It was always a sunflower, even long before the yellow petals begin to peek out.  I just wasn't able to see its' value until I was patient enough to experiment with it, to let it do what it was created to do.  It isn't that the plant changed.  It was my perspective that changed - and it changed because I was patient enough to wait and see what I never expected to find:  Beauty among what I perceived to be an ugly weed.

There is also a lesson to be learned here about the way we judge others, and the way we judge ourselves. We do it to strangers on the street, acquaintances, co-workers, friends, even family members.  We do it all the time ... and it is, in turn, being done to us all the time as well. We see someone as an annoying, unattractive weed, when the reality is they are a lovely & bright sunflower. We just don't wait long enough for the lovely yellow bloom underneath to peek out before we judge them as an unattractive weed to be forcefully yanked out of the garden of our lives.  Yet, if we just had a little patience, if we took time to look past outward appearances, think of all the lovely friends we could add to the garden of our lives.

A lot of people turn that harsh spotlight of judgement on themselves, too. I know I do it to myself all the time, and I also know it's depressing. If you've been critical of yourself, you know what I'm talking about. You know how worthless you feel when you are your own worst enemy. It's the easiest thing in the world to tell ourselves we are the equivalent of an ugly, ungraceful, embarrassing weed. As I had to be patient and let my sunflower bloom when it was ready, we also need to be patient with ourselves while we are growing up, or going through changes in our lives. 

When we are in the middle of challenges, we may feel like that ungainly, awkward, worthless weed. If we can just be patient with ourselves, gentle while we grow, in time we might be able to see the sunflower we truly are.

The Lesson of the Weed-Sunflowers (part 1)

For the past several years, these weeds have tried to grow in my back yard.  They start to pop up in late spring - and ONLY in the spring.  They grow slowly (compared to most weeds) and they have these big, ugly, green leaves growing off a thick, somewhat fuzzy center stalk.  I mean, goodness, they don't even have the decency to be small, quiet, inconspicuous and somewhat grassy like the rest of the weeds!  No, these have to be the big, ugly, flamboyant species of weed; the equivalent of the crazy family member everyone tries to avoid or keep hidden from the rest of the world. 

We've never let them grow more than a foot or two before pulling them.  This year we just hadn't had time for weed-pulling and before we knew it, there were about a dozen of these monstrosities blighting my back yard (okay, so the yard was never an Eden to begin with but that's beside the point.  These things just seemed to scream, "REDNECKS LIVE HERE!" ... no offense to Rednecks.)  

One weed in particular seemed to be growing faster than the others.  This particular weed happened to be situated across the yard, outside the kitchen window that is over my kitchen sink.  In other words, the one kitchen window that gets looked out the most.  And this hideous big weed was directly in my line of vision every time I looked out the window - which was often. 

When it was about three feet high, I finally said to the husband (hoping he'd take a hint and pull it), "So, how big do those things get anyway?"  He said, "Oh, I don't know.  Maybe just three feet or so."  Keep in mind it was already "three feet or so", and there was no sign anyone (read: The Husband) was going to pull it anytime soon. 

Days passed and I watched this thing from my kitchen window.  It kept growing.  And growing.  And growing.  I was going to go out and pull the darn thing myself but then I thought, "Why not let it grow, just for experimental purposes.  It's not like anyone else is going to see our backyard, and it would be interesting to know just how tall it will get." 

So this ugly weed and all of its' ugly brothers and sisters kept quietly growing while I continued quietly watching and waiting.

While all of this quiet, ugly growing was going on in my back yard, I was also dealing with some long-ignored ugliness from my own life.  I was quietly changing on the inside.  As part of this process, I spent some time talking to an Intuitive Heart Healer.  During one conversation she said to me, "How do you feel about the color yellow?"  I told her I liked yellow.  For me, yellow is sunshine, yellow is cheerful, positive, happy, comfortable.  We talked about it a little more and then moved on (but not before I committed to painting my walls yellow, which I've since done!). 

About a week after this conversation, I was looking out at the big, ugly weed that was now about five feet tall.  I had begun to feel it was mocking me.  If it could talk, I imagined it would have been saying, "I know you aren't going to cut me down, so I'm just going to keep growing until I take over your entire line of vision, and even your whole back yard!" 

And as I looked at this big, ugly, mocking weed on that particular morning, I noticed .... a flash of yellow.  And that's when my perspective began to change.

....tune in tomorrow to read the rest of the story!